Days 11-14 

Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail.

Let me qualify. On Thursday, I had a wicked stomach episode that left me nauseated and listless. Nothing sounded good. My stomach was a burbling mess. So, what did I do on Friday?

I ate a double Quarter Pounder with cheese, fries and a coke from McDonalds. Naturally.

That’s “Fail # 1”

Later that night, I had two beers with shrimp and grits at Nolen’s Place.  I figured the day was shot anyway, so I splurged.

That’s “Fail #2”

I had every intention of getting back on track on Saturday until…..I threw out my back trying to clean the potty with a Clorox wipe. Typical.

So newly sedentary Hallie rode out the pain wave with carbs. Lots and lots of carbs. Pretzels, crackers, Ramen noodles, pizza, another double cheeseburger, and a coconut cream pie milkshake.

We’ll call that the “Mother of all Fails.” 

And therefore on weigh day, I weigh 197 pounds. Still less than where I started, but a whopping 5 pounds heavier than last week. Sigh.

But I’m determined to learn from this. I’ve noticed another tendency about food. When an unexpected event occurs (illness, injury, etc) I will fall off the wagon so hard that I leave a dent in the road. Why is this? Does food become a coping mechanism? Do I become too complacent to keep up my healthy eating routine? Does the business of cooking and meal planning become to much when faced with pain and discomfort? Yes, yes and yes.

So now that I’ve identified another pitfall, how do I combat it?

1)      I need to keep an “emergency plan” along with the associated foods in the house in case grocery shopping or cooking falls by the wayside. Frozen Atkins meals? Low carb bars? Cheese? Nuts? A faithful recipe that I can make at any time?

2)      I need to remind myself that feeling run down is even more of a reason to eat healthfully.

3)      I need to identify those moments of weakness and fill them with other things. Rest, mostly.

 

Off to a fresh start this week!

Day 10

 

I didn’t exercise again this morning, but it was a late night.  (Excuses, excuses. But, I know I’m going to get there.) We went over to my parents for dinner. I managed to resist the Triscuits, I snacked on only cheese and almonds, I only had one sandwich for dinner, and less than a handful of chips. Compared to how I normally fare, it was a success.

My stomach is feeling a little upset today, so I don’t what that’s all about. Maybe it finally purging all of the built up garbage in my system.

I feel like I’m losing size. I feel like I’m doing well. Nothing else to report.

Day 9

I did really well yesterday….until. I accidentally set off the burglar alarm at 11pm and scared myself to death.

So, I needed a little help from Mr. Jack Daniels to calm myself down. I was a frayed nerve. But, I didn’t overindulge. I had a drink and a low carb cracker with butter. So I broke the 8:30 rule, but I stayed within my 50 carb limit. So I maintained control in a time of anxiety and didn’t go berserk with my eating. A success, overall.

And as a result of not going to bed until after midnight, no exercise this morning. At lease I’m trying to keep the “get enough rest” rule.

 I did do marathon housework last night, so I’ll try not to beat myself up (another rule). I will try again tomorrow!

Day 8-

Holy crap! Holy crap! Holy crap! I LOST 5.8 POUNDS!!!! SERIOUSLY???!!!

Yes! Seriously!

I almost took a picture of the scale this morning, but then I realized that since the scale is made of glass, it’s kind of like a mirror. So as to avoid inadvertently uploading a picture of my hootie-hoo, I decided to forgo the picture.

But it’s true!!!!! I can’t believe it!!!!

Okay, so sticking to the rules I’ve established (more or less) seems to work. Check. Point made.

 

And now onto exercise, the one rule that’s been lacking. Last night, I dutifully checked the weather and laid out my workout clothes. But………. I did not roll out of bed at 5:30 to walk.

Dang. I fulfilled only half of my promise to myself, but the most important part went unfulfilled.

Am I feeling down? Hell no, I lost almost 6 pounds in a week! BUT, I do know that this is probably only water weight and the real weight loss will slow. Exercise will be key.

 

So, what to do tonight? I am flying solo as a parent tonight because hubby is out of town. Formal exercise may not be a possibility. But, breakneck housecleaning will be!  Picking up, vacuuming, and dusting may be the modus operandi tonight. It’s still movement, right?

I will try again tomorrow to do a workout tape in the early a.m.

5.8 pounds !!! YEEHAW!!!!!

Day 7

 

Almost a week down. I weigh tomorrow.

So the exercise this morning did not happen. I must find a way to drag my lazy ass out of bed. But, in all fairness, it was raining. But that shouldn’t be an excuse. I solemnly resolve that tonight, I will check the weather report and plan accordingly. If it’s going to rain, I will prep to do a workout DVD. If it’s going to be nice, I’m going for a 30 minute walk. At 5:30. I must be insane.

I did really well with the 8:30PM rule last night. Come to think if it, I’ve actually done well with that all week. It’s been the meal leaving up to 8:30 that’s been my downfall. But, I’m not going to eviscerate myself (another rule) and I will keep my momentum. Every calorie saved is one tiny step towards my goal.

I didn’t go over my carbs yesterday and I used my willpower to only have wine after dinner. It seemed to work.

I’m counting the minutes until weigh in. Tick tick tick…..

Days 5 and 6-

Well the weekend has turned out to be somewhat of an epic fail. Breakfast and lunch on both Friday and Saturday were successful. But dinner.....that's another story.

Taco salad (good) with cheese dip (ok) and tortilla chips (sigh) on Friday night. 5 pieces of pizza (gasp!) on Saturday night. Fail. Fail.

But what was the common theme in both of those fails? Not anxiety. Not celebration.
That's right....booze. I had a glass of wine on Friday night before dinner and I had two fingers of scotch on Saturday before the pizza decision was made. And that was the key. Having very few carbs has greatly magnified the effects of those small amounts of alcohol. So with that comes the desire to sober up along with the decrease in judgement. And that equals a huge carb fest all around.

So for Sunday (of all days) comes the penance. Lots of water, no carby treats, lots of laundry.
But this time it also comes with the understanding and a new rule:

9) No alcohol before a meal, unless the meal is already planned, prepared, or otherwise underway.

This will hopefully accomplish two things. The addition of food to the drink will in theory lessen the effects. And, if the meal decisions have already been made the alcohol will not be able to derail it.

I've been pretty good about most of the rules. The exercise rule has not be followed (yet). My plan is to wake up early tomorrow morning and go for a walk.

I've gotten some decent rest this weekend. I've fallen off the wagon, but I've picked myself up again. I'm not beating myself up (too badly) about the pizza and tortilla chips, and I've tried to use those examples to gain understanding.

So, a fresh start is in order. I'll take the knowledge I've gained this week and try to use it for next week. Weigh in is in two days, so we'll see how it goes!

Day 4

 

I slept well last night. My cold is still lingering. But, I managed to stay away from food after 8:30. So that’s something.

So far, so good. The weekend will have its challenges, I’m sure. We got good news about a promotion for my husband. And I have a tendency to run towards food in happy times (and let’s be honest, in sad times too). But I’m going to hold fast to the ground rules and hope for the best. Now that I’m aware of my predispositions, maybe I’ll be surprised at my ability to resist.

My rings are a little looser. My pants don’t hurt me when I sit. This is probably the honeymoon period of water weight loss, but I’ll take it. It’s been really tempting to hop on the scale, but I MUST NOT! Not until next Tuesday!

I find myself feeling pulled between two societal messages. The first is, of course, the mandate from above that “We must be thin!” “We must not jiggle!” “We must have the thigh gap and no belly fat!”

 And on the other end of the spectrum is the body acceptance message. “We must accept people in all sizes and shapes!” “We must not be so hard on ourselves to be skinny and perfect!” “We can have that piece of pie because we deserve it!” “I’m all about that bass!”

And I think the truth lies somewhere in between. I do want to improve. I do want to feel better in my skin. I want to be more self-confident. But, I still think I’m pretty okay at the size I am. I can love my body, but I don’t necessarily have to accept that this is as good as it gets.  I don’t have to accept that my body has limitations. I don’t have to become complacent. And if I’m never “bikini-ready”, that’s fine. If I never feel comfortable in a sleeveless top because of arm jiggle, that’s fine.  All I want to say is that I have tried my best.

That’s the mission here, I think. I’ve spent my life complaining and wishing, but never actually trying.  I think actually trying and failing is one thing. But to fail because you never tried is not acceptable.

I may never get to my goal. But I want to be able to say that I legitimately tried.