Day 4

 

I slept well last night. My cold is still lingering. But, I managed to stay away from food after 8:30. So that’s something.

So far, so good. The weekend will have its challenges, I’m sure. We got good news about a promotion for my husband. And I have a tendency to run towards food in happy times (and let’s be honest, in sad times too). But I’m going to hold fast to the ground rules and hope for the best. Now that I’m aware of my predispositions, maybe I’ll be surprised at my ability to resist.

My rings are a little looser. My pants don’t hurt me when I sit. This is probably the honeymoon period of water weight loss, but I’ll take it. It’s been really tempting to hop on the scale, but I MUST NOT! Not until next Tuesday!

I find myself feeling pulled between two societal messages. The first is, of course, the mandate from above that “We must be thin!” “We must not jiggle!” “We must have the thigh gap and no belly fat!”

 And on the other end of the spectrum is the body acceptance message. “We must accept people in all sizes and shapes!” “We must not be so hard on ourselves to be skinny and perfect!” “We can have that piece of pie because we deserve it!” “I’m all about that bass!”

And I think the truth lies somewhere in between. I do want to improve. I do want to feel better in my skin. I want to be more self-confident. But, I still think I’m pretty okay at the size I am. I can love my body, but I don’t necessarily have to accept that this is as good as it gets.  I don’t have to accept that my body has limitations. I don’t have to become complacent. And if I’m never “bikini-ready”, that’s fine. If I never feel comfortable in a sleeveless top because of arm jiggle, that’s fine.  All I want to say is that I have tried my best.

That’s the mission here, I think. I’ve spent my life complaining and wishing, but never actually trying.  I think actually trying and failing is one thing. But to fail because you never tried is not acceptable.

I may never get to my goal. But I want to be able to say that I legitimately tried.